Dear Someone out there

Sister asked me three times today why I didn’t want to go church.  I swallowed an entire confession and I told her I  just didn’t feel like it. Do you ever just not feel like it?  mother says sleep you’ll feel little bit like it the next day. How do I tell mother I am sad. I am scared. I’m a mess. I want to cry.  Every day I want to cry. I want to cry right now. I get chest pains. Headaches. Heartaches and Panic attacks. I’m always on edge. Sometimes I’m not afraid. What makes you scared? Do you want to cry sometimes? Do you have someone to wipe your  tears and a shoulder to cry on? I was talking to my niece on the phone. She sounds like a wave. I want to find that place the waves never leave. I want to go there. I want to be that place. Happiness. Satisfaction. Orgasm. Spasm. Helpless. I’m hopeless. The boy from the Orbit and silly fetishes. I pray less for myself. I haven’t taken communion. I keep reading the same verse from the bible. I love a boy I met at the Orbit. The boy from the Orbit looks at me like he wants to say “it’s okay, anything can happen.  I’m still here” Do you some times drift away? From your thoughts. Do you want to go away? From your thoughts. Do you know how to get away? From your thoughts. Would you always choose to stay if you had the choice.? My family is really far away from me right now. I chose to go away. Sometimes I go back. It’s good to go back. Sometimes I forget the way back. When are you coming back? Are you afraid you will loose your way? How long are you planning to stay? Please don’t leave without saying hello or something casual like that.