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In honour of a very short blunt

It feels like ice cream melting in my tongue. “Twitter never sleeps”,  he says Don’t say God’s name in vain. Don’t summon the sky if you’re not ready for the rain. Take some time to listen to the song. It’s pretty nice. I’m scared i’ll ruin you. I’m scared i will fall inlove with an image of the person I think you are capable of becoming. The person I will always push you to become. I’m scared i’ll disappoint myself by dropping the ball. I’m not sure I can go the whole way. I run from people who speak to me like they are looking at the inside of my chest. I don’t  trust myself around them.  They make me vulnerable. The kind of lightness I refuse myself to carry. To embody. I masturbated once. I felt bad for enjoying it. I’m afraid of losing control like that. I don’t know how to put out that kind of wild fire. How do you let go of so much yourself and  still trust that there is more of you to get to know. How do you know when to laugh or speak on que? I like the idea of bodies touching. The textures feel good. Like that’s what our skin is made for.  That kind of trust is an empty desert to me. Knows  of nothing but itself. Will not wilt or weather. Sometimes I stare into space and forget I am even human. I know how to jump into the mouth of a shark and have it make a home of me.  How to let everything around me consume me. I don’t have a favourite colour. I know it’s a weak analogy but I don’t know how to commit to things. How do you call an entire human soul your own. I don’t know how to love myself that way. Sometimes I am here. Sometimes it is just a haze. I am standing between two projections of myself. Maybe we’re all scared. I don’t know if Chance knew this when he wrote that song. We are all afraid of losing control of being human. We break our own hearts everyday. Bar ourselves from really exhaling. I’m scared i allow myself to break. How are we so fragile. My thoughts are what breaks me. Is there a way to unlearn all the ways I have learned to disappear. I don’t trust yourself. Is your biggest weakness the only thing you think is precious about you?  Maybe it doesn’t matter that we’re scared. Maybe if we all got rid of that illusion we have convinced ourselves of that we are not ready, we would actually realise how long our hearts have been waiting on us. I think loving someone unconditionally and allowing yourself to be loved unconditionally is the bravest thing you can do.  Sometimes we forget to forgive ourselves for being human.  We insist on making things difficult.  Why do we destroy ourselves so much. We are not aware of the light we carry.

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