There’s a certain kind of fulfillment I get from writing things down. The Words are eyeing from my head into the paper. I think of a lot of things. I calculate movements, read people’s reactions, I am constantly reshuffling thoughts. Sometimes they are good ones sometimes they are not as light as i’d like them to be.
I enjoy writing things down. Posting them online and letting you read. It’s not a big responsibility you know. I don’t have to explain myself. You just read and take what suits you and the rest is left for intepretation for the next reader. It’s a glorious exchange.
Have you ever thought if this isn’t the easy way out. We are afraid to speak thing out loud. We don’t hear how they sound and try to decipher them further. I have been doing a lot of speaking my thoughts into the universe. It’s frightening hearing my own voice over the wild fire I become in my head. Sometimes My voice is shaky below the earthquake of my uncertainty. It cracks and trembles when I speak of the hurricane that is my heart. My voice is a natural disaster of its own. But the birds still sing after the storm.
I am beginning to understand myself more. Being aware of the self more. I am emotional more. I don’t like feelings.
What do you think about trust? I think it’s harder trusting yourself than it is loving someone else. I told my friend about this boy I met. The weird things he says about Fandom and the Marxist theory and things of that sort. It’s so easy for me to enter his world.
Why is it so simple for us to trust people we don’t know? How do we forget ourselves in the process? We are so frightened of ourselves. We keep running further and further away, we plunge and collapse into people who look like us.
It’s a beautiful kind of freedom isn’t it? Meeting parts of you you thought were dead in someone else. His confidence, conscious and humour. It’s what keeps us addicted to people who are so similar to us because you know you have already silenced our own voice. I choose to write things down. I don’t like to say what I feel. You don’t have to work hard. Just read and go back to sleep.