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Number 1

Lover, lately it’s been hard to breath under all this skin. I have been choking in my sleep from the weight of this flesh resting on my chest. I wonder if where you are you are sleeping peacefully, that the sky is a blanket you dream beautifully under. I wish I could see you sleep, to see you close to me but slowing floating away simultaneously. I wish I could see you breathe, watch your chest come alive from this side of the room.

From my side of the night, it’s been hard to sleep. I lay awake, wishing my eyelids would reconcile. Wish to possess the contentness, to breath at ease, to sleep in peace. A time for everything. But that is not how the story plays, I stay and re-play the day, I stay and re-play, I stay.

Until it is dusk.

In the morning, you greet me like it is for the first time. Like I did not already re-play a reply a million times before. Greet me like yesterday, we were a beautiful sunset, swallowing each other’s darkness. And this morning, we are speaking it into the light.

Say my name like I was not the number 3 before I was my name. Three, Curled up and almost Crawling into myself. Three, like I have already collapsed on some parts of myself. Say my name like it is the number 1, gracious and willing, just always so easy to stay wining. Say it like it does not cut, like your tongue does not bleed every time you call me.

I will reply as a new day.

Today, we are born anew, into the balance of the horizon. I am no longer the colour of a pending purple and you, a peaceful platinum, but we have morphed into shades of the sunlight. We have been varnished with the colours of a beautiful day.

We have been made one again.

You have started a fire beside my heart. A light my shadow cannot shun. I feel like a lighthouse even in the day. An eternal flame that will burn disastrously beautiful only for you. A sizzling pain is burning itself into ash in the corners of my heart. It burns uncontrollably fast, a supernova that refuses to be delayed. A fire that fuels itself on passion and mending broken smiles and healing breaking eyes.

Tonight, I pray that every part of your grace becomes my remedy.A medicine for the night to stay awake by itself.

That I find you in a dream somewhere, drenched in Boaz and bandage ready to soak my leaking heart. As Samson, seductive and melanin dipped in heavenly oils.

Lover, tonight, the sky will watch us in envy as we float together out of its hollow unending. In the morning, I will greet you like you have always been mine. I will breath in, your brewing angst and out, an ocean of grace.

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